-- TS Eliot, The WastelandApril is the cruelest month, breedingLilacs out of the dead land, mixingMemory and desire, stirringDull roots with spring rain.
This stanza perfectly captures how I felt when, the day we returned from Utah, I found daffodils shooting up out of the still-cold ground. Although I suffered through the winter, longing for warmth and sunshine, I guess I am not ready for spring—for the hopefulness of green buds and the joyfulness of the bright flowers that will fill our yard for months.
Mixing memory and desire...I can't think of anything more painful. Can't I just stay in the dark cave of winter for a little while longer?
(And, for the record, April is indeed the cruelest month.)
4 comments:
ah, that just made me cry and cry - for you and scott, for me, for all of us.
I sent your post to my friend who lost her son in October. This was her response.
"How know that is what I was thinking? In fact, yesterday I heard a whole flock of birds singing and I wanted to find a large rock!"
It's really hard when life has to go on for those of us who sometimes don't want it to. I'm so sorry that April has to come.
If we could skip over April this year, we'd all be happier. We're all thinking about you both and hoping there will be some real sunshine in your life soon. I'm so sorry it's so hard.
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